Is it too late to want to have a family?

 

Elder Nikon

Elder, there’s a woman asking :”Is it ok for someone over the age of 40 to pray persistently to God to have a family?

Yes, sure… She should pray and never disappointed. She should pray and struggle and try to make a family …etc In the city that we are in, I have a friend we went to university together. His mother was extremely pious. Her daughter wasn’t married, “Please, pray for her to get married let’s use the name Dimitroula. Pray for my Dimitroula to get married. Dimitroula, she was 48 years old. We did prayers ropes, we did prayers Dimitriula didn’t close herself off in the Icon painting studio, or in the kitchen, she was going out, going on pilgrimages, going to catechism classes, going to homilies, then someone noticed her a 55 year old, he liked her … Dimitroula got married at 50. Then her mother started : “Please, pray that my Dimitroula can have a child … pray my daughter can have a child”. Dimitroula was also extremely pious she was visiting Saints, going to wonder working icons, she was lighting candles… Her Dimitroula had a child at the age of 52. So we must persist. But without worry, without anxiety. We’ll say “If it is Your will”. We won’t quit. We won’t back down. We’ll struggle. Always. God help me. At 48 she got married, at 52 she got pregnant. Well, all these things are arranged by God. We will persist. Knock … Not just once. Keep knocking …Continuously! Ask … Don’t ask just once. Ask continuously. And I will give you. So as to learn to persist and remain in prayer, which is a union with Christ. And even if she does not get married, or have children, she will discover the benefits not in the afterlife, but in this life! So for this reason let’s do what Christ’s Church says and have everything in the hands of the good God.  

By : Panteleimon monastery

Why some couples have children although they don’t deserve it?

 

Elder Nikon. Mount Athos, Greece

 

- Why do drug addicts and alcoholics have children when a large number Orthodox Christians are praying, going on pilgrimages to holy places in order to have children, but God still doesn’t give one to them? Why is that? 

We’ve said before that the Good God, knows why He allows anything to anyone. Different reasons for everyone. Those who do not have children, they should keep trying, they should pray and go on pilgrimages in order to show the Good God their intention and for their faith to be seen by the devil. We do not know why God allows it to some. It is exactly for this reason that so many don’t have children of their own after all these acts of reverence and humbleness because it’s humbling to the ego of man to go and entreat a Saint, who has died centuries ago. A person’s mind gets humbled. After many such instances God grants children. Even in ways so simple, it tempts the reason. For example, in the Holy Mountain, we have the relics of St Anne that many childless couples go to. We have the Holy belt of the Mother of God at the Monastery of Vatopedi which provides help to many childless couples. The one I know of from personal experience is about a grape vine in the Serbian Monastery called the Holy Monastery of Hilandari. The vine grows from within the graves of two Saints. A father and his son, founders of that Monastery. Both Saints. The vine grows from within the grave. The Serbian fathers let the grapes ripen on the vine dry them in the sun turning them into raisins, which are then given to childless couples preferably in Serbia then to Greeks and then to whoever else asks. Well, all this to a rationalist who has learned to solve everything with his brain and isn’t aware of what he carries inside of it, this is ridiculous. It’s nonsense. It wouldn’t be taken seriously. Well I do know, I gave some of those raisins to six couples who couldn’t have children. Some had been trying for two years, three years … ten years, even fifteen years married with no success. I sent some of these raisins to six couples from the grave of St. Savva and St. Simeon. Among these six couples which for so many years couldn’t have a child, five of these couples have their first child. The sixth was an acquaintance of my mother. My mother had asked me for the raisin. I sent her the raisin with a pilgrim. Half a year later I went out to the world, for visit home and remembered. I said “what happened with that raisin?” My mother started swearing about her. That one! Never send her anything again, I don’t want to see her “I said “I sent it, I don’t even know who she is, she’s your acquaintance. “ –I’ll never give her anything! –“Why? I said, “what happened?”  She wouldn’t come get the raisin. And my mom said t her. “Are you going to come get it, or am I to throw it away?” … and she said some other swearwords that aren’t proper for me to say. So the woman came to get the raisin. As my mother gave her the raisin she said mockingly “If eating raisings is going to give me kids, then I should eat half a kilo to get quintuplets” The only one that didn’t have a child… All the other couples had babies. After more than ten or fifteen years, of not being able to have children, all five couples I sent raisins, have children. All but one who mocked the miracle. So, we don’t know why the good God allows everything that He allows, but on the other hand we do know, He allows illnesses to humble us, so we go and receive the medicine. To learn to honor both the doctor and the medical science. He allows for people to be unable to conceive children, so that they learn that through prayer humbleness and respect for the Saints, children are given ! We have a variety of problems, so that we might be in grater touch with Christ greater touch with the Mother of God, greater touch with the Saints and the Angels because we are for there! From here we are passers-by. Let us not forget that we are for somewhere else. Our country is elsewhere. From here we are passers-by. Whether we end up in our Homeland or in exile, depends on how we live our lives here. God allows these ordeals, so that we do not sleep so that we don’t forget. I know about a student who was studying in Italy, a very devout young man, very gracious, many that got to know him say that he is truly a Saint. His mother sent him money for his studies but he would give away to charity. He was studying Medicine. His mother would say :”My little child, save some money”. Graduate from medicine, have a home of your own, to raise a family in and then give to charities. “Built a home to live in”. The child says to her, -23 or 24 years old- “Build a house?” he said to her. “Have you ever seen someone build a house on a bridge?” We are on a bridge. We’ve come from somewhere and are going somewhere. Who builds a house on a bridge? He had his mind somewhere else. He was 25 when he died. And they say miracles have started, miracles are happening God knows and He will make known to us what he is. I am speaking about the thinking of the faithful person who couldn’t have children for ten years, but finally were able to. Logic cannot explain it. What do I say now? That this can’t happen? But I’ve seen it happen. “It happened by chance”, the wise guy or wise of this world will say. Ok! The first time, by lack, the second time? Again by lack. The third time? …Again by lack! The fifth? One hundred times this thing has happened! So it’s not lack! It would be real luck if we managed to become humble!” Because our brains have gotten puffed up and think we know everything! For this reason many times the good God allows all of this so we acquire humility. To become simple people and not think we know everything making us tiresome to others. They must not stop going on pilgrimages. They must not stop entreating the Mother of God, continue entreating the Saints for help. And visiting those Holy places that help childless couples.          

What’s the meaning and goal of one’s life ?

 

Elder Nikon. Mount Athos, Greece

 

-The universal meaning of an Orthodox Christian’s life, is the acquisition of the Kingdom of Heaven. But how can someone understand the meaning of their earthly life ?  their calling, their mission in life ?

Given that our life’s mission is acquiring the Kingdom of Heaven we know what the meaning of our life is. We will acquire the Kingdom of Heaven, how ? Firstly, if we acquire the Kingdom of love, here in this world. When we are able to love here, to show our love to others, to live with love, with humility. Then we’ve already acquired  the Kingdom of Heaven and the real issue is to struggle not to lose it. If we continue loving and continue showing our love in our daily life, we won’t lose it. Not only to have love for others inside us. No one will remember you for how you think. They will remember you for how you’ve lived. Your thoughts won’t remain in the world. The acts that resulted from your thoughts, your deeds, your life will stay and affect the world and the ones you love. When we live as Christians, even if we don’t realize it we have already began to live in another space, in another world. In the world of love. Everything else will pass away (and the faith, the hope)… what will remain, forever, is love. As long as we keep love we are already at the outer doors of Kingdom of Heaven. And as long as love increases and we catch up to people we hva known that have reached unbelievable heights of love just like Ephraim of Philotheou and Arizona. None else has been slandered like him. No other person has been accused as much as he was accused. No man has been dragged through the mud, as much as they’ve tried to do to him. Nevertheless he always had a loving word about the people that accused him, that swore at him, the ones that slandered him. He had always the best possible words to say about everyone. Once I had told him : -  Elder, so and so said this that about you. – Pray, my boy, because he is under a great temptation and is in need of prayers. When we reach such hights of love, then we know that we are already in the Kingdom of Heaven … now. Given that others have made it, we can too. If we can’t do it it means we aren’t struggling correctly. Somewhere in our struggle we’re doing something wrong. That is why we need to have the lives of the Saints, as a mirror not just the ancient ones, the contemporary ones as well – Saints will always exist – and by looking at them as into a mirror, we will see what we are missing. Do I have the level of forgiveness of Ephraim of Arizona? Do I have the patience     of Ephraim of Arizona? Do I have the unbelievable, incomprehensible, unthinkable love of Ephraim of Arizona has? Then, I’ll be saved. That’s exactly why people like Saint Nektarios and Ephraim and I refer to those two, because they were slandered as no one else ever before them in modern times. When we reach their levels of love, we will know that we have been saved and know that what Christ said is truth and they are hated precisely because they are the proof of the truth of Christ’s teachings. If the things that Christ said were lies Ephraim of Arizona and Saint Nektarios before him would never have succeeded in all they accomplished. So we’ve no excuses. Since some could and succeeded we can too. The Saint Silouan used to say : “I was begging God to forgive my sins and God not only forgave my sins, but he granted me Paradise as well”. So we realize God doesn’t provide in a stingy way. You ask for a little, He gives a lot. A Hymn in our Church says : “the One who holds the vessel of the endless gifts”. He who has the cup of the gifts which are never emptied and never end. “God doesn’t give in a stingy way”. God doesn’t give a little. We ask for little, He gives much and our examples are : Ephraim of Arizona and Saint Nektarios and Saint Silouan and all the Saints.

By : St. Panteleimon monastery

How can I catechize my spouse correctly ?

 

Elder Nikon. Mount Athos, Greece 

 

There’s a woman asking : “How can I my husband acquire faith ? “  She can help her husband acquire faith by not talking to him about faith. She must live her faith and through the struggle to become a true Christian herself, unintentionally she will have an effect on her husband. St. Paul says himself, if a woman has a husband who is not a believer, she shouldn’t divorce him because, maybe by watching the beautiful life of hers he may also want to become a Christian. We all must do likewise. When our other half is indifferent we will not pressure them, we will not catechize them, we will not teach them. Instead of telling them, we should show them what it is to be a believer, how they have patience, the way they don’t get angry, how they are always happy, how they listen to other people carefully and how they show their love. And the spouse seeing what it is to be a Christian will want to resemble them. Only in this way can we affect others. Not with words. By our attitude, with our everyday life.  

By : St. Panteleimon monastery      

What should I do when I don’t have the desire or there’s no time to pray?

 

Elder Nikon. Mount Athos, Greece 

By force. With pressure. Like when we make ourselves eat when we are sick and have no appetite. Because when we have no appetite for prayer, this means that we are spiritually sick. Just like your doctor will say to you “push yourself to eat to get some strength” so will your spiritual doctor tell you : “You must push yourself to make a little prayer”. Whenever someone is sick they can’t eat heavy food, similarly the spiritually sick can’t pray for long … They will a simple prayer. And this simple prayer is : “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me”. However cheerless one might be, even if they lack all desire, they can say those seven words. One might not be in the mood to read the Akathist to the Mother of God, to read the evening prayers, or other long prayers. But everyone can pray with this simple, strength – giving prayer.   “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me”.   “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me”.  In this way, little by little, Christ will notice her actions, see her struggle and He will send His Grace, and the appetite for prayer will grow. This prayer is the Alpha and the Omega of prayers because within is the name of Christ and it shows the Humbleness of the person calling out to Christ. Which attracts the Grace of God. This is the way the woman's appetite for prayer will grow.  By the continuance of this easy prayer: «Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me"

-          Elder …Christians have the  habit of starting their day with morning prayers. In the case that they are in a hurry which is better? To skip morning prayers at home and pray on the road, or spare five minutes and pray at home?

It depends on how much of a hurry they’re in. If they’re in a really big hurry skip prayer and go to work. Because, struggling to make a living, to take care of their families, this effort is also prayer. The prayers they can't do at home, they can pray on the way to work. Maybe some know prayers by heart, and can pray like that. Once they finish the prayers they know by heart, they can say the «Lord Jesus Christ mercy on me» until they arrive at work. And this  fills the time and the gap made by the other prayers they didn't manage to say. Prayers don't need to be said in a specific place alone. Whoever doesn't have time to pray at home, can pray in the car or on the train, they can pray wherever even while walking. They can pray from their hearts. If they don't have time to catch up their morning prayers they souldn't be worried. Just leave for work, because as we said, this struggle, this sacrifice is prayer. And the prayer maybe completed on the road, with the prayers they know by heart. And when they have prayed all they know by heart, they start praying «Lord Jesus Christ mercy on me ».

By :  St.Panteleimon monastery